#2: Maintain stable frame of mind

I am failing miserably. This year, I have experienced more mixed emotions and new feelings than I ever have in my lifetime. I would say it's menopause but Jesus Christmas I'm only 31...not yet, please thank you.  Simultaneously I want to cry, scream, laugh, hit, hug, kiss and spit on the closest object to me. What the fuck? I mean really. 

I am usually highly in control of everything in my life, and this year...not so much. This likely explains my state of insanity. The plus is unless people read this blog (which unfortunately you all do, but you've kept your damn mouths shut) you might think I'm completely normal. I'm good at that...maintaining my composure when necessary. Hell, I'm still in my job because it offers that distraction to keep me going. As if they didn't get enough hours out of me already...

However, I did start crying on a conference call today (bad news) but was fortunately able to pass it off as a stuffy nose. People at work don't think I feel--I'm just a bitch. Nonetheless, it scared me. 

It may be hormonal. I did go off certain medications that help to prevent accidental pregnancy (with no intent of getting pregnant, just for the record) that were limiting my ability to wear heels and supposedly screwing up all blood flow and semi-important things like a pumping heart. As my sister said one night with my father and his neighbor at the table "she's over 30". Thanks. Love you too. 

But there's more to it. This year I've reached a crossroads in many aspects of my life. I started writing about it as a motivator, and now I find myself somewhere I never thought I would be. I didn't PLAN on this...that's 90% of the problem. 

I always thought that if your professional life was in order, things would suck on the personal side and vice versa. Guess what? That's a crock a shit, because they both suck and one only went from bad to worse. The good news is, I know what I want. I guess I always have all along it was just a matter of figuring out what was most important. Let's just say I would be happy working with a certain client of mine (who does rock, seriously, and you envy me) until I'm 80 if it would allow me the happiness I seek on the other side. 

Life deals a lot of blows, but I'm learning to duck and fight for what I want, even if it does make me just like every other crazy woman out there (temporarily of course).

Wish me luck.