#14: Remember Everyone's Anniversary

I haven't done so well, with one exception: Mine. It's today. 5 years. Which feels like such a milestone despite being a blink of the eye in the big picture.

Five years ago today, I drove a U-Haul from North Carolina to Atlanta to start the next chapter of my life. It was also a Friday, and it was also Halloween. I was terrified. The truth of the matter is this relationship started months earlier, but didn't really become "official" until we were living in the same state. I came here on a whim. I had no idea if we would ever amount to anything, and honestly thought once I was here he would want nothing to do with me. I was prepared for it.

But it wasn't the case. Instead, I fell in love. I resisted, played a game with myself, but eventually gave in to my heart and told my head to shut up. Ever since, it's been "us". In five years together we've done more than most people do in a lifetime. We've been blessed.

I've learned a lot about him, and a lot about myself.

He is not what I (and most of the outside world) thought he was (sounds familiar)--and this was a phenomenal realization. My perception before I really knew him is why I didn't trust my heart to love him, but he turned out to be everything to me. He is a contradiction of a human being, in all the right ways--a beautiful blend of character traits and flaws that are not typically found in one person.

He has given me confidence in myself, forced me out of my "box" and shown me there are many possibilities to how you live your life. I learned to love unconditionally and to give without expecting anything in return. I learned that we are very different, but yet the same on the things that matter. It's because of our differences, and the fact that he is everything I am not but would like to be (with a few exceptions, of course) that I love him.

I have also learned that love is not always easy. You have to pick your battles, you have to talk to one another (frequently), you will have to compromise, and you cannot be selfish. Most importantly, I learned that it's easy to lose sight of the person and get wrapped up in the excess of day-to-day of life. Why did I focus on the fact that he was 30 minutes late getting home, instead of the simple fact that he was there, with me?

Some of these things, we haven't been so good at but we're working on it. There is a battle that goes on between men and women. Many people call it love.

I have always know, instinctively, that I would be with this man. I don't believe in soul mates or love at first sight, but I do trust intuition. I also don't believe in fairy tale romance--that's, yet another, crock of shit. Granted, there should be more pleasure than pain, but it's unrealistic to expect bliss just because you love someone. Throughout our time together I've had my doubts, but realized my doubts were fears and not deal breakers. We are all human, we all have faults, and we can't take ourselves so seriously all of the time.

In our five years together, I have never been more certain of one thing.

I don't ever want to live without him.