#25: Get Engaged (or become single)

Until recently, I thought I was a little further along this path. Unfortunately, not only am I not any closer to being engaged, but I'm not really sure my boyfriend even likes me all that much. It took me setting a deadline--not an utlimatum--to get some idea of where this relationship was going to get this out of him, but apparently, there are some big issues with me.

All along I thought he was simply scared (ok, really, totally, completely fucking scared) of marriage. While I still think there's some of that "fear" thing to it--and not just to make myself feel better--he's obviously more adverse to marrying me. Specifically.

Who wouldn't be? I can be a total pain in the ass. I'm strong, highly opinionated and organized to a fault. I'm also moody and a master debater (not "masterbater", although potentially in my future). I'm seriously type A, can be very critical (i.e. bitch) and tend to misdirect my anger frequently. Bottom line: I'm a woman.

But, I'm also a very caring, and always give more than I take. I'm a good cook, I don't nag, I sacrifice and compromise, and I'm financially independent. I've let him get by with the very bare minimum of flowers, fine dinners and romantic surprises, and have been very supportive--with a man as creative and unrestrained as he is, this can be a real challenge. In short: I have loved him unconditionally.

With exactly six months left until the dreaded 32, I find myself in a quandary.

eHarmony or Match.com?

God forbid. Pray for me.