Posts
Like a waterfall in slow motion, Part One
2 years ago
Thursday, July 31, 2008
#25: Get Engaged (or become single)
Until recently, I thought I was a little further along this path. Unfortunately, not only am I not any closer to being engaged, but I'm not really sure my boyfriend even likes me all that much. It took me setting a deadline--not an utlimatum--to get some idea of where this relationship was going to get this out of him, but apparently, there are some big issues with me.
All along I thought he was simply scared (ok, really, totally, completely fucking scared) of marriage. While I still think there's some of that "fear" thing to it--and not just to make myself feel better--he's obviously more adverse to marrying me. Specifically.
Who wouldn't be? I can be a total pain in the ass. I'm strong, highly opinionated and organized to a fault. I'm also moody and a master debater (not "masterbater", although potentially in my future). I'm seriously type A, can be very critical (i.e. bitch) and tend to misdirect my anger frequently. Bottom line: I'm a woman.
But, I'm also a very caring, and always give more than I take. I'm a good cook, I don't nag, I sacrifice and compromise, and I'm financially independent. I've let him get by with the very bare minimum of flowers, fine dinners and romantic surprises, and have been very supportive--with a man as creative and unrestrained as he is, this can be a real challenge. In short: I have loved him unconditionally.
With exactly six months left until the dreaded 32, I find myself in a quandary.
eHarmony or Match.com?
God forbid. Pray for me.
All along I thought he was simply scared (ok, really, totally, completely fucking scared) of marriage. While I still think there's some of that "fear" thing to it--and not just to make myself feel better--he's obviously more adverse to marrying me. Specifically.
Who wouldn't be? I can be a total pain in the ass. I'm strong, highly opinionated and organized to a fault. I'm also moody and a master debater (not "masterbater", although potentially in my future). I'm seriously type A, can be very critical (i.e. bitch) and tend to misdirect my anger frequently. Bottom line: I'm a woman.
But, I'm also a very caring, and always give more than I take. I'm a good cook, I don't nag, I sacrifice and compromise, and I'm financially independent. I've let him get by with the very bare minimum of flowers, fine dinners and romantic surprises, and have been very supportive--with a man as creative and unrestrained as he is, this can be a real challenge. In short: I have loved him unconditionally.
With exactly six months left until the dreaded 32, I find myself in a quandary.
eHarmony or Match.com?
God forbid. Pray for me.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
P.S.
I added AdSense to my blog (I mean, I am in advertising, right?) and I totally love that contextual ads...thank you Google...for Galapagos Islands Tours are currently appearing.
I wonder what my most recent post will deliver.
I wonder what my most recent post will deliver.
#22: Try Not to be Sick
Dude. Really. Please. Make. It. Stop.
Not exactly the weight loss plan I was looking for, but ridiculously effective. In one hole, out the other for about a week now. For the love of fiber enough is enough. At this point even sitting is a luxury of the past. My 5 hour plane ride to the farthest place in the continental United States from Atlanta was NOT fun for reasons I will refrain from explaining.
I will never complain another day about the constipation that typically plagues me. Yes, I know I should go to the doctor, but given my recent track record with medical professionals (see previous posts) I am quite scared my nipples will be tweaked and I shall be diagnosed as bi-polar.
Time's up, gotta run (again).
Not exactly the weight loss plan I was looking for, but ridiculously effective. In one hole, out the other for about a week now. For the love of fiber enough is enough. At this point even sitting is a luxury of the past. My 5 hour plane ride to the farthest place in the continental United States from Atlanta was NOT fun for reasons I will refrain from explaining.
I will never complain another day about the constipation that typically plagues me. Yes, I know I should go to the doctor, but given my recent track record with medical professionals (see previous posts) I am quite scared my nipples will be tweaked and I shall be diagnosed as bi-polar.
Time's up, gotta run (again).
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
#15: Stop Paying for Convenience
I am working from home today, somewhat unplanned due to my body's inability to process food. I'm obviously not motivated to get much done (certainly busy, but it can wait for my 5 hour plane ride tomorrow), thus a pretty open agenda.
Nonetheless, my dog sitter will be arriving in about an hour to play with and walk Gizmo for me.
I am so pathetic.
Nonetheless, my dog sitter will be arriving in about an hour to play with and walk Gizmo for me.
I am so pathetic.
Monday, July 28, 2008
#2: Maintain Stable Frame of Mind
This one is giong to be tricky. Seeing as everything I thought I knew turned out to be wrong in ever facet of my life, I have a strong feeling meds will be required to keep the mind functioning, let alone stable.
"Job" and "Home/Family" take up 99% of everyone's life. The law of averages tells me that when things suck at work, they are usually good at home. And when they suck at home, they are usually good at work.
Who's Law is it when they both suck?
"Job" and "Home/Family" take up 99% of everyone's life. The law of averages tells me that when things suck at work, they are usually good at home. And when they suck at home, they are usually good at work.
Who's Law is it when they both suck?
Sunday, July 27, 2008
#5: Save more money
It's almost become a game for me. Just like trying to "best" my time out of the airport to home after each flight. Loser. I know.
This weekend I spent $90. But I gained $85 returning used snorkel equipment--yes I really did. Technically, I spent $5.
I went to Target and my total bill of sale came to $42. $42?! I can't remember the last time I went to Target and spent less than $100. I should get a plaque (or maybe a Lucite square) for not buying seasonal hand towels, smelly good candles, or make-up I'll never use...or yet another $10 t-shirt.
In general, I've been very good about saving money on the day-to-day things:
1) Buying generic for the things that don't matter
2) Bringing my lunch
3) Inexpensive dinners out (think Chipotle versus Nuevo Laredo--it's hard, damn it!)
4) Giving the dog baths at home
5) Limiting the dry cleaning
6) Re-purposing numerous household items--think
7) Getting rid of the HD box (not yet, but only because we can't get Comcast to actually show up)
8) Moving dollars from every paycheck to savings
9) Shopping at the outlets for things I need (and I do truly need them! Especially since I was told I can't wear heels anymore)
10) Making my own coffee every morning
By far my most lucrative savings program isn't really a savings program at all. Bank of America was kind enough to round up all my purchases to the nearest dollar, and take the difference and deposit it into my savings account. I spend money to save money but it looks good on paper--like my last relationship. $9.98 cents this month--that's half a pedicure! And, I have saved $639 in total since I started.
These are minor, but they add up. Problem is, I can still be ridiculous. Like $350 worth of outdoor gear for this recent trip to Galapagos. I'll use the NorthFace jacket and the Nike tees, but I can't see the Keen water or rock shoes coming in handy walking Gizmo around the the extreme dog path in the neighborhood.
I told myself I'd take up hiking.
This weekend I spent $90. But I gained $85 returning used snorkel equipment--yes I really did. Technically, I spent $5.
I went to Target and my total bill of sale came to $42. $42?! I can't remember the last time I went to Target and spent less than $100. I should get a plaque (or maybe a Lucite square) for not buying seasonal hand towels, smelly good candles, or make-up I'll never use...or yet another $10 t-shirt.
In general, I've been very good about saving money on the day-to-day things:
1) Buying generic for the things that don't matter
2) Bringing my lunch
3) Inexpensive dinners out (think Chipotle versus Nuevo Laredo--it's hard, damn it!)
4) Giving the dog baths at home
5) Limiting the dry cleaning
6) Re-purposing numerous household items--think
7) Getting rid of the HD box (not yet, but only because we can't get Comcast to actually show up)
8) Moving dollars from every paycheck to savings
9) Shopping at the outlets for things I need (and I do truly need them! Especially since I was told I can't wear heels anymore)
10) Making my own coffee every morning
By far my most lucrative savings program isn't really a savings program at all. Bank of America was kind enough to round up all my purchases to the nearest dollar, and take the difference and deposit it into my savings account. I spend money to save money but it looks good on paper--like my last relationship. $9.98 cents this month--that's half a pedicure! And, I have saved $639 in total since I started.
These are minor, but they add up. Problem is, I can still be ridiculous. Like $350 worth of outdoor gear for this recent trip to Galapagos. I'll use the NorthFace jacket and the Nike tees, but I can't see the Keen water or rock shoes coming in handy walking Gizmo around the the extreme dog path in the neighborhood.
I told myself I'd take up hiking.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
#28: Have more me time
I have just returned from 10 days of "me" time.
Sort of.
I was very fortunate to be part of a family trip (16 of us!) to the Galapagos Islands--not a destination many people have the opportunity to visit. We toured the islands sailing on a trimaran (for you non-boaters that's a catamaran with three hulls). Yes, I am very aware at how privileged I was to have this opportunity.
It's not often you come face to face with a 500 lb land tortoise. And I can't remember the last time I had the opportunity to swim beside a penguin as it dove to the ocean depths. Of course I can't forget the sea lions! Oh the sea lions! Basking on rocks and waddling their way up to you--such magnificent creatures. It is a very magical place--although more populated on a few islands than most people may think. The island of Santa Cruz has a little town no different than the shopping districts of the Caribbean, albeit much cleaner and adjacent to a National Park. It was amazing. Truly amazing.
When I first found out we would be taking this trip, I had visions of sailing on the ocean and viewing wildlife on the beaches from a far. Basking in the sun, sipping cocktails, and reading a book with the pleasant background music of sea lion conversation completing the experience.
What I did not anticipate was an eco-adventure with daily excursions including 7am wake-up calls, hikes harder than my weekly work outs, and nightly lectures about the wildlife, flora and fauna. Apparently, you must have a guide with you to visit many of the islands in the Galapagos. We had Whitman. The "endemic" Galapagos guide. At first, I felt like I was reliving third grade science--before the Discovery channel was "cool". Eventually, the 7am wake up calls got easier and I couldn't fathom not going on the excursion for fear I would miss a blue-footed boobie doing the mating dance. I even came to look forward to Whitman's lectures, if only to understand how long our next navigation would be.
"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip..."
The navigations. I am referring to the distances we had to sail between islands to reach our next destination. I don't think any of us realized how many miles we would have to travel, or that the Pacific is a mighty force in the "windy" season (should have picked up on this, no?) below the equator. Side to side, up and down, crash, bang, broken glasses--with a crew that didn't speak English. A fucking rubber ducky in jacuzzi. We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Needless to say, I was certain we would die every night. Sleep was not something we got much of. All that rocking made me have to pee more than a pregnant lady--getting to the bathroom was one thing, but I'd like to see you try and sit on a toilet that goes vertical ever three minutes while water from the ocean shoots up through the toilet/sink/shower combination floor drain and sprays you in the face.
I unbelievably never got sea sick (thanks to my friends Bomine, Triptone, patches and Advil PM), but I am still wobbling as I write this.
Despite the above described activity, the trip was an absolute delight. Really. What made it all the more enjoyable is the whole family had an excellent attitude and made the best of the situation--from the matriarch and patriarch to the young ins, no one complained and kept the perspective that this was a ONCE IN A LIFETIME experience. And it was. Truly.
This video speaks volumes about the experience. A baby sea lion, a day--maybe even hours--old, being protected by it's mama as we looked on. Unbelievable.
Given the hell I have come back to, I'll gladly get back on that bucket of bolts and even sit in the bathroom during navigations.
Sort of.
I was very fortunate to be part of a family trip (16 of us!) to the Galapagos Islands--not a destination many people have the opportunity to visit. We toured the islands sailing on a trimaran (for you non-boaters that's a catamaran with three hulls). Yes, I am very aware at how privileged I was to have this opportunity.
It's not often you come face to face with a 500 lb land tortoise. And I can't remember the last time I had the opportunity to swim beside a penguin as it dove to the ocean depths. Of course I can't forget the sea lions! Oh the sea lions! Basking on rocks and waddling their way up to you--such magnificent creatures. It is a very magical place--although more populated on a few islands than most people may think. The island of Santa Cruz has a little town no different than the shopping districts of the Caribbean, albeit much cleaner and adjacent to a National Park. It was amazing. Truly amazing.
When I first found out we would be taking this trip, I had visions of sailing on the ocean and viewing wildlife on the beaches from a far. Basking in the sun, sipping cocktails, and reading a book with the pleasant background music of sea lion conversation completing the experience.
What I did not anticipate was an eco-adventure with daily excursions including 7am wake-up calls, hikes harder than my weekly work outs, and nightly lectures about the wildlife, flora and fauna. Apparently, you must have a guide with you to visit many of the islands in the Galapagos. We had Whitman. The "endemic" Galapagos guide. At first, I felt like I was reliving third grade science--before the Discovery channel was "cool". Eventually, the 7am wake up calls got easier and I couldn't fathom not going on the excursion for fear I would miss a blue-footed boobie doing the mating dance. I even came to look forward to Whitman's lectures, if only to understand how long our next navigation would be.
"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip..."
The navigations. I am referring to the distances we had to sail between islands to reach our next destination. I don't think any of us realized how many miles we would have to travel, or that the Pacific is a mighty force in the "windy" season (should have picked up on this, no?) below the equator. Side to side, up and down, crash, bang, broken glasses--with a crew that didn't speak English. A fucking rubber ducky in jacuzzi. We're gonna need a bigger boat.
Needless to say, I was certain we would die every night. Sleep was not something we got much of. All that rocking made me have to pee more than a pregnant lady--getting to the bathroom was one thing, but I'd like to see you try and sit on a toilet that goes vertical ever three minutes while water from the ocean shoots up through the toilet/sink/shower combination floor drain and sprays you in the face.
I unbelievably never got sea sick (thanks to my friends Bomine, Triptone, patches and Advil PM), but I am still wobbling as I write this.
Despite the above described activity, the trip was an absolute delight. Really. What made it all the more enjoyable is the whole family had an excellent attitude and made the best of the situation--from the matriarch and patriarch to the young ins, no one complained and kept the perspective that this was a ONCE IN A LIFETIME experience. And it was. Truly.
This video speaks volumes about the experience. A baby sea lion, a day--maybe even hours--old, being protected by it's mama as we looked on. Unbelievable.
Given the hell I have come back to, I'll gladly get back on that bucket of bolts and even sit in the bathroom during navigations.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
#31: Understand and embrace how FORTUNATE I really am.
It all makes sense now.
My mom emailed me the other day after reading this blog, telling me she hopes I don't think I'm unfortunate. It perplexed me a little, as my intent with #31 is to appreciate MORE of this life than I already do--and I am probably light years ahead of most people with whom I share this planet.
Oops. My bad. On the list featured on this blog, I did incorrectly list #31 as "unfortunate"...therefore reading..."understand and embrace how unfortunate I really am."
Rest assured, not breakin' out the razor blades this year. I'm not trying to understand how bad I have it (although my OBGYN may tell you differently--see yesterday's post).
I sometimes just can't type. Or maybe it was a Freudian slip?
My mom emailed me the other day after reading this blog, telling me she hopes I don't think I'm unfortunate. It perplexed me a little, as my intent with #31 is to appreciate MORE of this life than I already do--and I am probably light years ahead of most people with whom I share this planet.
Oops. My bad. On the list featured on this blog, I did incorrectly list #31 as "unfortunate"...therefore reading..."understand and embrace how unfortunate I really am."
Rest assured, not breakin' out the razor blades this year. I'm not trying to understand how bad I have it (although my OBGYN may tell you differently--see yesterday's post).
I sometimes just can't type. Or maybe it was a Freudian slip?
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
#22: Try not to be sick
I am forever a woman of stupid medical issues. For months now, I have been exhausted, had numbness in my calves, pain in my back and ridiculous headaches and post nasal drip. A lovely myriad of symptoms. Staying true to myself, I have not yet seen a doctor about any of it, but have indeed self diagnosed.
It's my birth control pill causing my problems, I told myself--especially the leg thing (how many times did I wake up in a cold sweat thinking "OMG, blood clot!"). So I went off it. Smart thing to do when you aren't married.
Today I had the inevitable "annual exam". When the doctor asked how I have been over the past--oh, year--I did share some of my symptoms, and told her I was working on getting to the doctor. After I explained everything I had been experiencing, she told me the following:
"You are depressed, but I'll send you to a rheumatologist just in case. Don't be offended if they tell you its depression--we're seeing a lot of joint pain linked to depression, and really it's the best diagnosis to have because it's easiest to treat."
She then told me I could no longer wear high heels (further adding to aforementioned depression).
#1: I'm depressed because I have poor circulation?
#2: Since WHEN is depression easy to treat? H-e-l-l-o Zoloft, Paxil, Welbutrin, Lexapro, and of course the infamous Prozac. I mean FOR REAL?
#3: Why the hell can't I wear high heels?
Needless to say, I'm going to see my Russian family practitioner on Tuesday morning for a second opinion and treatment of vodka sprinkled with pepper. And I now have to find a new OBGYN and dermatologist.
So much for trying not to be sick.
It's my birth control pill causing my problems, I told myself--especially the leg thing (how many times did I wake up in a cold sweat thinking "OMG, blood clot!"). So I went off it. Smart thing to do when you aren't married.
Today I had the inevitable "annual exam". When the doctor asked how I have been over the past--oh, year--I did share some of my symptoms, and told her I was working on getting to the doctor. After I explained everything I had been experiencing, she told me the following:
"You are depressed, but I'll send you to a rheumatologist just in case. Don't be offended if they tell you its depression--we're seeing a lot of joint pain linked to depression, and really it's the best diagnosis to have because it's easiest to treat."
She then told me I could no longer wear high heels (further adding to aforementioned depression).
#1: I'm depressed because I have poor circulation?
#2: Since WHEN is depression easy to treat? H-e-l-l-o Zoloft, Paxil, Welbutrin, Lexapro, and of course the infamous Prozac. I mean FOR REAL?
#3: Why the hell can't I wear high heels?
Needless to say, I'm going to see my Russian family practitioner on Tuesday morning for a second opinion and treatment of vodka sprinkled with pepper. And I now have to find a new OBGYN and dermatologist.
So much for trying not to be sick.
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